Welcome to my blog.
Over the coming months I shall be expanding on topics mentioned in this first blog post, such as,’ emotional eating’, ‘fear of owning our power’ and ‘living from the heart’ – topics pertinent to my life’s journey. As a Leo, my earth walk has been a journey back to the heart and my souls truth, as opposed to being guided by the ego and my minds illusion of truth. May my words help you on your earth walk.
I grew up in a family where emotions were suppressed. Where for the most part, everyone carried on day to day, as if everything was alright – nothing was further from the truth.
My father had grown up in hospital, literally! He was admitted with miliary TB at the age of 2 and was discharged at 16. He had had often been kept on adult wards and seen some terrible things, ( this was during the war and he was moved several times) not to mention experienced the death of many friends. As a grown man he was discharged by his consultant as he wouldn’t take his medications. Alcohol was his painkiller of choice. This was also a great way to suppress his emotions, especially anger and he had plenty of that – maybe from growing up in hospital, away from his family. He very definitely suffered from ‘poor me’ syndrome and ‘everyone owes me’. My mother, bedazzled by my father’s extrovert nature and charm and lacking in confidence herself, was drawn to him like a moth to a flame -a text book co-dependant relationship.
Dad’s dysfunctionality expressed itself as a need to control everyone. No one could do anything without his say so. Needless to say home was suffocating. My mum gave birth to me and then my sister followed by a brother who died after only a few days of life. The medical establishment handled things badly. They took her baby away when they realised something was wrong, as he couldn’t suckle and then my mum never saw him again. Worse still, there was no burial. She remained in grief and anger for the rest of her life manifesting later in her early 50’s as early onset Alzheimer’s. My dad did what any emotionally numb person does – he carried on as if nothing was wrong. He took mum to the pub and told her it was all for the best as they wouldn’t really have been able to afford to bring a third child up any way. Mum had an affair. It was a cry for help – for comfort, a shoulder to cry on. Dad found out. A night of terror ensued, where years later we learnt that dad held mum hostage all night with a screwdriver at her neck, threatening to kill her and us.
This too passed and a veil was drawn over it. Emotions were suppressed , ‘for the sake of the children’. But cracks inevitably appeared . Anger reared its head in spectacular displays – often in the evenings as my sister and I lay in bed listening to huge shouting matches ending in slammed doors.
What I am trying to illustrate here – sure in an extreme way ( although I suspect there are thousands of family stories like this and worse) how emotions get trapped and the havoc that then ensues. Suppressed emotions are deadly. Emotion is literally energy in motion. In the feeling of an emotion is the releasing. Emotions help us to feel alive and guide us to make the right choices. It is only when they are suppressed that they can wreck lives.
Growing up in this kind of environment I learnt to suppress my emotions with food, then later with alcohol and exercise. I suffered from panic attacks, low self worth and anxiety and irritability ( from suppressed anger). Similarly my sister suffered.
My healing journey slowly began when I left the city where I grew up, for my first job after graduation. First I sought help in the form of a psychologist. This did not work for me. Then I bought self help books looking at psychology and food. This helped a great deal. I learnt to meditate. This too also helped. But unbeknown to me the emotional energy was still resonating within me. These emotions were triggered in many situations life threw at me. I would make a little progress with my dreams only to then give up when fear took over. I felt like I was looking in on life and not part of it. I did have a few close friends but always felt very lonely. A traumatic event much later on in life – also a product of a trapped emotion and a fear of standing in my own power ( I had seen what abuse of power was like with my father and I definitely wasn’t going to own mine) eventually led me to the Emotion Code.
Salvation! Literally! I started to release emotion after emotion addressing specific issues in my life, specific pain in my body – mainly painful tight muscles in my neck, shoulders and back. I found I had an enormous heart wall – it was miles wide! As I released my heart wall I literally felt lighter and lighter and felt part of life, not an onlooker. I attracted a group of soul friends. I started to feel truly happy. My addictions fell away as I released addictive heart energy. In short, I started to come home to myself. I discovered my truth, my passions and gave myself permission to be me and not to try and conform.
The Emotion Code has literally freed me up to be myself. To not be afraid to feel, to not be afraid to love, to not be afraid to pursue my dreams. I am not saying I am there – wherever ‘there’ is. I still release trapped emotions as they are triggered in my life. But I feel a thousand times better and I know this can happen for everyone.
I use my feelings as my compass. A compass to guide me home to myself and to my souls passions. I then dare to express my souls passions in creative ways, unique to me. This can happen for you too.
This is truly living.